Talking with one of my new Finnish friends in a club, I was surprised when he told me that most of the locals would rather be alone and naked in the forest (like in a weird Fever ray video?) That wasn’t the vibe I got at all upon my visit, Helsinki totally kicks ass! I was lucky enough to be hosted by the godfather of house in that side of the world, top DJ MR. A, also known as Antii for the friends that had booked me for his annual Bears on Board party. More on these debaucheries later, let’s get to the drinking.
I was taken directly from the airport to an old school bear bar with friendly locals, where he got me drunk in three pints. This bar is a very low key place, where otters, cubs and other hairy beasts come to have a pint, or three in my case. The décor consists of teddy bear souvenirs from all over the world, cute right? Considering the clientele, looks like they should be working in the Jack Daniels factory pumping out whiskey to their thirsty cohorts.
We decided to skip the obvious gay destination DTM to go to a new venue called Adams… this place is not marketed for the gays, but has a mixed clientele of hipsters, gays, and music lovers. Basically, it’s made for the best people in the world, no? They have some great DJ’s and performers both local and international. I was gutted! I missed Nomi Ruiz from Jessica 6, but did hear Kim Ann Foxman is playing there too! Class! The lovely host Mr. Pena International got me blind drunk, and I woke up the day after ready for my gig at the Bears on Board Cruise ship…
Ahoy! If you are into hairy Viking men, this is your place! A floating disco complete with a smoke machine and a Tom of Finland exhibition, fuck yeah! International DJ’s, a substantial food buffet with all the meatballs you could eat and but of course, all the alcohol you can dream of, not to mention the stunning views of the Helsinki archipelago. I didn’t have that much time to observe the landscape with so much flesh on display, and the hilarious Best Beard on Board competition. The music was spot on courtesy of DJ Tatu V. (literally a “feast for your eyes,” just check his endless transformations on his facebook page) and MR. A Antii himself, some of the best DJ’s I have heard in Scandinavia, and yes, that is including the Swedish House Mafia. By far, the top moment was listening to Donna Summer “I Feel Love” surrounded by a sea of jumping hairy men. I certainly felt a lot more than love at that moment…mostly hands and other limbs to be exact…
So much fun! You better start booking your tickets for next year. OutEscapes will have some incredible Helsinki deals for you, so don’t hesitate!
And if you are not in town while this is happening, there is always the party “Stroke” at the Hercules nightclub the first Friday of every month.
Now that I’m very hungover, I thought I would write some tips for you so you are safe in this place!
1)Sometimes the sun is always there, so look at your watch as you will forget to go back home …easy but lethal mistake…
2) Helsinki is the capital of design, do go for a loop to the furniture stores and secondhand junk stores! Full of granny treasures ready to be found, that will look totally cool in your house.
3) All the clubs close at the same time, and at four am the city looks like the end of a Lady Gaga concert, full of drunken and disoriented youngsters so you might have to wait for your taxi home. Do yourself a favor, book a hotel within walking or swimming distance of the last club.
5) Go for a swim in the “sauna” full of naked people! Yes! But remember, no“touchy touchy” it is totally forbidden!
6) When buying a reindeer skin in the market, remember that they start losing hair at some point and your flat will look like you actually have a balding reindeer living there. This may be something you’re into, but use caution.
Alas, now it’s time to go back to SUNNY (unbelievably) London in time for the Olympics!
Besos From Helsinki’s airport with complimentary free WIFI! Yes you heard, fucking Heathrow!!
