Lesbians on vacation? It happens. More than you would think. But it’s not exactly sober central (shocking). Our very own lesbian nightlife/travel extraordinaire, Nina Pogensky, gives us the carb-free, liquor-heavy skinny on 15 things you can expect with lesbians on vacation.
1. Matching shirts. Preferably with nicknames and numbers. Because the last time you were with this many lesbians was playing college sports. And clearly as a herd of lesbians, you don’t already look like a fucking semi-pro team.
2. Cut-off tees. Utilize neon in any accessory possible.
3. Its not a casual-wear kind of outfit without your headband.
4. Speaking only in inside jokes, because there’s too many lesbian jokes on the outside.
5. Making best friends with a new group of girls in the time it takes to buy them shots.
6. Realizing how small the lesbian world actually is when—with the new said group of friends—you realize you actually: played basketball with one of them, date one of their exes or live across the hall from their lesbian great aunt.
7. Taking as many pictures as possible, most likely to showcase the amount of liquor you are consuming (did we mention lesbians do a great job of showing their beer bottle off in a photo as if it’s a trophy?)
8. Making out with the friend you PROMISED you never would. Then getting the same bowl haircut.
9. Getting into at least one insanely stupid emotional fight with either an ex or fellow team member (ie: best friend).
10. Forgetting to eat. Oops.
11. Blacking out during daytime hours…
12. …waking up amongst strangers…and then having breakfast with them.
13. Inevitably losing a friend who got way too drunk and wandered away from the pack. Freaking out. Finding them hooking up with a random girl in a god foreseen corner of a bar or outside in the bushes. Then, remembering you forgot to feed your cat back home.
14. Having some serious drunken heart to hearts, including at least one over an informing game of “Never Have I Ever” or any game that involves drinking.
15. Puking on a friend. It happens. Believe me, it happens. Straight girls are smart enough to go to the toilet.